I’ve just started to notice that I don’t get excited by much or nervous about anything anymore. I remember that I used to but I’m not sure when this change occurred. Maybe it was a gradual thing.
Two current cases for this: i’m racing again this weekend but I never have any nerves in the build up. My heart rate will be elevated on the start line but I won’t feel any adrenaline or nervousness. My body just gets prepared for the huge effort. Also, the new iPhone comes out today but the idea of rushing out, queuing and being one of the first to own it seems rather weird. It’s a nice gadget & these things help me do what I want to do but they’re not particulary exciting. Interesting, functional, attractive even, but not exciting. Yet many people got up very early this morning, travelled, queued and spent a lot of money on it.
I’m an Apple user & many people see me as an Apple fan. Apple products give me an opportunity to do & create some nice things, they work very well & they’re usually very nicely designed, but I don’t think I shout from the rooftops or force them upon other people.
It’s probably normal to not be excited by a new gadget then, but I am very interested in technology and the iPhone does seem to be the gadget that gets everyone excited.
After a race I feel satisfaction if I have accomplished something I regard as special, but I don’t think I’ve felt excited after a race since I won my first bike race. I used to get very excited within a bunch sprint but when all was done satisfaction or annoyance would take over depending upon the result.
I’m a lecturer so I’m very used to speaking in front of groups of people. I’m not particularly concerned by what people think of me (although a psychologist delving deeper may disagree I suppose). Buying new equipment for whatever endeavour I’m involved in is often interesting but I can’t quite get more excited by one carbon fibre weave over another. They’re all tools to keep me warm, to help me go faster or to keep track of what I’m doing. I usually choose a brand & stick with it (Castelli on the bike, Polar for my heart, Saucony & Asics on my feet, 2XU for triathlon, PowerBar & High5 in my bottles, etc).
I set myself challenges that I don’t know if I’ll be able to achieve & I’m sure I get very enthusiastic about them but not excited. I’m hoping that when I’m about to get out of the boat into the English Channel, when I’m suiting up for my first Ironman, or when I’m on the start line for my first marathon I’ll be crapping myself, but I have a feeling that I’ll be very well prepared & organised, & ready for the challenge.
Don’t take this the wrong way. I’m having a huge amount of fun at the moment training, racing, working, bringing up two kids & planning fun things for us all in the future. It’s just that I’d noticed that the scares & the buzzes I used to get from rock climbing are no longer around. (I don’t want to get back to rock climbing either). The excitement of the bunch sprint has gone. Maybe it’s because I’m not contesting for a win at the moment. Maybe I’ve mellowed to an extreme state because of my past experiences (is this what Formula One drivers & BASE jumpers feel like?) or maybe I’ve developed ‘confidence’.
Through this exercise in reflection I remembered being nervous before my first game of golf with my dad on his course with his mates. That was a couple of years ago but it shows that it’s still possible! Since then I’ve learnt that controlling your nerves & state of mind is an important part of golf, as it was in climbing. I’m pretty comfortable on the first tee now. Trying new things may be important.
Hmm. I think I’m still striving for that old buzz, through adrenaline (hence the interest in nervousness & excitement) but like any drug you need a larger & larger dose to feel the same effect. I wonder if it’s even possible, particularly without mortal risk.
I think I’ll have a lot of fun striving for it anyway. Have you experienced the buzz? Since I’ve killed the comments you’ll need to Twitter or email me.
Posted with LifeCast